Harolds revision plan.

Most of the feedback that I had was mostly positive.  They said that it was very descriptive, that it was suspenseful, that they liked certain passages, and that I was a good story teller, which made me warm and fuzzy in the inside.  However there were a few suggestions for what to do with my essay/story to make it better.  One of them, which is one that I kind of known because of the “to be continued” that I had at the end, is that they wanted to know the ending.  They wanted to know “who Harold was” and “where were they” and what was happening, but this all was to be explained if we was to extend the writing.  I guess one of the things that I might do if there was a revision is continue the story, then revise the completed product, before doing the thing that Mrs. A suggested, which was, get rid of all of the “was” words and try to rewrite the sentences to describe what was happening more.  I mean she didn’t say that I wasn’t descriptive enough, but using the words was and other words of the like a lot, is kind of like taking the easy way out.  If I was to continue the story, a majority of the comments about finding out who Harold is, who the beings that are chasing them are, what the lights are, why they are in the jungle, why they went to a black void, would all be explained fairly quickly, of course Harold’s explanation would come in the form of snippets here and there until the full reveal towards the end and the beings that are chasing them would have come after the void.  The reason why they are there, however would have come towards the end of the story, but I won’t spoil it for you if we do continue the writing.  I love going over the comments, a lot of “it felt like I was there” comments really make you feel warm inside.  I also liked the comment that said “that it was a little strange but interesting and funny”.  Some might take the word “strange” as a little harsh, but it was what I was going for, so this comment to me was what I was looking for.  Just reading back on what I wrote, I found that I would want to describe the “jungle run a little more and place “Michael and Harold’s” reactions and what was going on with Michael internally during the run, because to me it seems a little dead there.  The run was great, but the descriptions and the feeling isn’t there.  I might even at the beginning of the story talk a little more about Michael in Ireland, because it does kind of throw you into another land without much back story, or I might do this in the form of a flashback and introduce more characters.  I just want to liven the backstory a little.  Also a little did you know, the title of the story and the name of the character Harold came to me while listening to a Primus song, but the actual title of the story won’t be called this nor does the story follow anything in the song but I thought for a little humor I would place this there and see if anyone picks it up.